How far are you willing to go?
This post touches upon another area of concern that people mull over when trying to figure out how to “be” in the online world. Continuing on my series based on the common misconceptions keeping people from engaging online, which started with “If you don’t ‘Get’ Social, Read this”.
I have always believed that you should stand behind anything you say – not just online, in life. It’s character and you should be proud of your character, it is who you are. Being online or being offline should not change this.
The Risks
Living in the online space poses it’s risks. People crave acceptance, and if they aren’t craving it, the reality is acceptance is essential in any space. You risk alienating people or being misunderstood. Every action online creates traces, you have to manage your “brand”. You can spend hours worrying about what people will think, what people will say, how you will look. If you are truly you and you are proud of who you are, then you should also ask yourself, what are you worried about?
Being genuine and respectful of others are the true guidelines, so how far are you willing to go? What are your perceived risks?
We make choices every day
Earlier this week I published a post in 12 Most Firing Employees. As I wrote the post, I questioned whether it was wise…the subject seemed controversial. I risked associating my name/firm with a subject that if people did not read it through, could be grossly misunderstood. I risked alienating my employees if they judged without reading (What if they became “scared”?) Before submitting it, I gave this a lot of thought. Finally, my conclusion was, this subject had great value, it represented my beliefs well, my employees know me, where I stand -everything I said, I believe in and so I have faith because I can stand behind it. Hopefully if there was question to what I really meant, people would read it and see that what I was advocating was all based from very balanced and caring perspective: the necessity for people to be happy at work and how as a leader sometimes you have to make tough choices to provide the right environment for yourself, others and the team. I went ahead with submitting it, I took the chance.
How many people don’t feel comfortable enough to be online because of fear of acceptance or judgement?
Bruce Sallan, successful Author, Radio talk show host, Twitter Chat host (#Dadchat) and overall “person extraordinare” wrote a post today reviewing the participation in his most recent chat, vs. other chats. He was questioning whether it was just timing, or the subject (God and Abstinence) that gave this week’s chat a lighter participation than other chats.
A little background
I am a business person, I think it is important for you to realize as you read my perspectives, I am not speaking as a “Social Media Expert” I am speaking as a person, a person in this online world just like you. As a person, I have to manage my image, I have to think about my company, my employees, my friends, my clients, my family. When I speak, I ask myself, “Do I represent them well, do I bring “honor” to all that I represent?” It is a lot to think about.
What is the value of Twitter?
When I started using twitter, the draw and what really brought me into the space was knowledge seeking, sharing with other professionals – learning from online bloggers or journalists and authors in leadership, customer service and marketing. BNET, HBR and The New York Times were really my stomping grounds. Although I had had a twitter account for a long time, I had never really used it. What did I care about when someone is going to the grocery store, or trying on a new pair of pants? I don’t have time for that… Sound familiar?
Then things changed, when I started to notice my favorite authors ( Rossbeth Moss Kanter, Nicolas Kristof, David Armano) were on Twitter, that’s where I really started to see the value. I could keep up with their brilliant thinking, simply by hitting follow. Why on earth would I cheat myself of this? I hit follow.
As I became more aware of the environment and tools and resources available, I started to research what people were doing in this online space ( I found Chris Brogan started reading him- or perhaps I should say, learning from his online development and his journey which he shares liberally and generously), I started linking all the things I like to read (via email updates- such as FastCompany) into Twitter, found more tools, more people, more brilliant minds & initiatives to learn from. My stream became rich.
Eventually, I entered into dialog, signing up for Hashable, being drawn into the #Usguys stream by @Josepf was a big key. I discovered focused twitter chats. More than that I discovered amazing people who I could learn from and dialog with who have now become great friends. The twitter chats enhanced the value I can get out of the internet world with not only access but interaction and focused conversation. It’s the dialogue that brings you further. It’s sharing your opinions and bouncing ideas around that truly allow evolution and development.
Protecting your Image
As I read through Bruce’s post: “What do people want to talk about?”, which questioned why participation had been lighter this week than the previous weeks, given the subject of this week’s chat “God and Abstinence”, I had an inkling to one possibility, and questioned, was it something that people feared would affect their image?
Here are some excerpts from my comment on Bruce’s post. It touches on an issue that I think really concerns many people in the online space:
Taking chances
Here were my thoughts for Bruce, I would love to hear yours – Please join in on the comments below , or check out Bruce’s blog on the matter which inspired this post.
#Dadchat is always fun and at the same time hits some good serious points for parents, I think it makes for the perfect place to meet others (parents) and get to know more about them in that role.
Because it’s on Twitter, unless you’re on Twitter specifically as a “parent” I think its possible some people might stay away from Religious or Political topics, and maybe even sex topics because it potentially can effect your (personal) brand.
So many people have created personal brands that don’t include very much depth in regard to their personal beliefs or these “private issues”.
I once heard – somewhere “you don’t talk about religion, politics or money” at the dinner table (at a dinner party), I happen to like that concept – I guess because these are the issues that hit hard, and can potentially emote fired conversation – at a dinner party, you just don’t want things to become uncomfortable for anyone, as a host you want everyone to feel accepted and valued… unless of course all guests are close personal friends, people you know a lot about….
You would hope that people in general have an open mind, can “handle” a good debate, but the reality is some people don’t and the risk, from a professional perspective in a Twitter Chat is possibly that you could alienate people, who otherwise would have no reason to be alienated if you start flooding your stream with comments potentially taken out of context.
Maybe this is why the topic was not as well participated in…maybe…
On the flip side, I think #Dadchat participants are fairly open and are a great crowd, the chat itself moves fast, is always in good nature and no one stomps off in a huff – ever – this is such a GREAT community!
The true challenge, if the question truly was based on the topic “God and Abstinence” a true hard hitting topic,is to know if anyone “stayed away” because of it.
I am not sure our #Dadchat crew would have, but if they did, would it have been because of the public nature of the debate (ex: clients, colleagues can see your tweets out of context?)
Does anyone worry about this? Or was it just timing, spring time coming, time change, workload, family time. Could have been anything!
Looking forward to many more exciting debates and conversation #Dadchat. I for one LOVE the diverse community and I think its a huge benefit for parents to have the time to think like parents online for that hour a week, and not get lost in the business world of twitter completely. Thanks for bringing that balance, and these tough topics the table.
Is there a line? Where do you draw it?
We hear so much about being careful with what we put online…Implications on job opportunities/current positions.
Who you are and where you are in life certainly play a role in what you feel you can and can’t do online. What works for me, Bruce Sallan, JC Little (refer to her famous “Twitter Striptease”), or others in the online space will be different every time. You have to find what works for you. There is a lot of value to interacting and sharing views with others. This is how great ideas develop, new possibilities are found… It is also how you let people get to know you!
Be Appropriate
The online world is no different than the real world. Be appropriate. If you have some basic judgement, you will know how to express your views or manage a conversation appropriately. Have some faith in yourself. Know what direction you are going in, never lose track of that, you will be okay.
The Art of You
I call this learning the Art of “You”. The key is to be genuine, be respectful (of yourself, and others around you). Don’t be afraid to participate.
The key is finding balance, and having the forethought to manage yourself in respect of all these important aspects of your life. It is an art, the art of communication, and the only way to be good at it is to become involved. It is the art of being you in 140 characters, in blogging, in anything. Watch, learn and jump in. When you do that, always remember that anyone could be watching anything at any time, so be true to yourself in this way you will never have a hard time explaining anything.
- How do you manage your online persona so that you represent your “Personal Brand” – does your participation in chats cross lines between personal and business?
- Do you want to mix personal and professional? Is there a risk there for you?
The marriage between your online persona and your personal views:
- How far are you willing to go? What holds you back, if anything?
Be bold, isn’t that the key to great thinking and innovation?
Love the thoughtfulness and care of not only your comment on my blog, but taking it further with this great post! I think people are afraid of speaking their mind and, as you said, it’s often said to avoid politics and/or other sensitive issues in the public sphere. I don’t really give a damn and speak my mind, though I am mindful of offending women since it sometimes can be the littlest guy thing that will cause hurt or offense, especially among younger women that have grown up post-Anita Hill and during the PC Police times we now live in where men can’t be men or they risk offending said police.
BUT, when you are not authentic, are you being true to yourself? I think being true to yourself can still be PC – as much as I had even using that term – and being considerate and thoughtful NEVER hurts. But, sometimes the truth is something SOME people just don’t want to hear. For instance, I often declare that men and women are different. In a million years, I’d never have thought there was ANY controversy with that statement.
I don’t say men or women are better than each other, just that they’re different. AND, instead of trying to make us all the same, let’s celebrate the best of those differences and learn from each other! I also ask the question, “Why are there women’s studies departments at colleges, but no men’s studies departments?” Again, am I being PC? I don’t care. It’s a fair question.
Alright Mila, I’ve going on and on…too much coffee today and too great a day on the slopes! I’m jazzed in general and so appreciative that you included me in this great blog raising questions that we don’t see very often! Way to go!
BTW, do note that Guy Kawasaki will be hosting #DadChat on April 12. I doubt we’ll come up short then…lol!
Mila – Like you, I am indebted to the many individuals, publishers, and community groups who so freely share such incredible insights about the topic of ‘social’ at large. I value the engagement and have made many great connections that have led to professional opportunities as well as in-real-life friendships (like getting to know you via #usguys!)
In terms of mixing professional and personal on Twitter, I veer on the professional side. I would have steered clear of a chat topic of “God and Abstinence.” For me, that’s too personal and not appropriate for a 140 character ‘conversation.’ I’m not worried about being judged…I’d just rather not go there on Twitter. I do participate in ‘non-professional’ chats of personal interest to me such as #collegecash. There, I can be ‘personal’, but without encroaching on ‘sensitive’ subjects that I feel are not suitable for me on Twitter as a medium.
Great post, Mila (and I love the visuals!)
– Susan aka Christie 😉
@susanborst susanborst Thank you for the comment. Those incredible visuals are from the wonderful littleanimation ! She is someone who really pushes the limits with her humor and animation, but always does it in a way that is true to herself. Not many people could get away with posts like she does, but she has a flair and a way with things that works great. JC is a very smart business woman, she never goes too far and her content is very appropriate to her field.
I was not around for Dadchat this past week, had I been I would have been careful in how I would have phrased my comments, simply because I would never want to offend anyone or have others in my stream read comments out of context. I think it would have been an “art” to carefully be involved on such a topic – but it wouldn’t have kept me away entirely.
In my opinion, for a chat like that to be truly liberal, I think it would be wise to separate “professional” account from a personal one.
Again, it’s a matter of personal view…I don’t like people to feel judged, or to tell anyone their beliefs are wrong – this topic can be highly sensitive to some… I respect and let people believe what they feel is right.
Also, keeping that conversation out of an otherwise business style stream would prevent random followers from perhaps falling upon tweets taken out of context – sometimes you do need the whole stream to understand what is really being said.
In a way, we also have to keep in mind those who follow us and why…
BruceSallan Looking forward to #DadChat this week with guykawasaki – it’s bound to be another fast paced great one!
@Milaspage @susanborst Mila I appreciate what you wrote about me. And FYI the drawing is called “I love my Twitter fans!”
The Art of Being You. On the face of it a simple statement. Social creates immediate pressure to respond, to be seen, to be in the know and on your game. The balance between professional and personal remaining true to yourself and your objectives is very difficult to maintain.
I believe people should choose a track and stick with it either be completely professional within the context of your specialism or industry or use the social web for personal reasons. Really there are no hard and fast rules to business or life. For me it always comes down to thinking, trying to be wise and using our judgement to meet our needs whilst maintaining respect for other people.
Interesting post Mila
Best
My followers get a real mix from me, in terms of content – my topics vary. But I do try to find common ground with others. I don’t differentiate between personal and professional, since I’m engaging as a personality. Having said that I believe the tone of my “voice” (what you call the Art of Being You) will modulate depending on what I’m engaged in and with whom. Being anything other than genuine would be too much effort and totally pointless for me.There is a strong line beyond which I do not share with the public. For example the Twitter Striptease you cited naturally flowed into an avalanche of humorous chatter and new followers. The language was playful and never crude, so it attracted only the kind of tweeps I wanted – those who love to laugh! What a great article, such an important subject @Milaspage , thank-you for writing it.
I’m a fan of Bruce Sallan. If it were not for the time challenge, I’d be front and center at every #Dadchat. Typically, #Dadchat starts about 4 or 5am my time on a week day. And when I make that rare effort, I’m doing it all for Bruce. [grin]
We need Bruce Sallan, his strong opinions, and strong conversations. We don’t all need to be like Bruce.
We also need all the others that share themselves honestly with us. People like…
Bill Dorman
http://billdorman.me/2012/04/02/the-girl-with-the-rabbit-tattoo/
Susan Mazza
http://randomactsofleadership.com/2012/03/20/are-you-ready-to-speak-up/
Jack Steiner
http://www.thejackb.com/2012/04/04/what-kind-of-connections-are-we-building/
Angela Maiers
http://www.angelamaiers.com/2011/08/new-ted-talk-you-matter.html
Billy Delaney
http://social-tango.com/boomers-at-the-gates-of-time-and-the-change-that-gonna-come/
Gini Dietrich
http://spinsucks.com/social-media/five-things-to-watch-out-for-as-facebook-goes-public/
Michael Brenner
http://www.b2bmarketinginsider.com/content-marketing/the-cost-of-bad-content
Brene Brown
http://www.ordinarycourage.com/my-blog/2012/3/16/the-2012-ted-shame-smackdown-is-live.html
Saul Fleischman
http://osakabentures.com/2012/04/bootstrapping-social-media-tools/
Forgive me my excitement to share a list of voices that have made the blogosphere more than I could have ever hoped for.
@Faryna faryna Dear Stan, Thank you for your comment and for including this awesome blogroll of inspiring online bloggers! I will admit, it’s not usual to have comments with such a roll call, but I truly appreciate you sharing those who contribute to your experience online, I follow many of them myself 🙂 People who share their thoughts and contribute to the online community are truly gifts. Thank you!